Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
