You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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