What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
