I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
