Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
