wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
