I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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