If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
