i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
