people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
