I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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