i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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