Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
