good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
