I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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