the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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