well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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