I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
