So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's get the cat blown out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
