I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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