Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
