Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
