Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You made out with two different species that night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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