She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
