Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
