omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
