I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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