I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
