Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
