This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
