you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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