Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
