I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The air taste purple.
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