Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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