I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
