No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize