just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
