i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
