My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Couch. On fire.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
