she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
