I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
