my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
