You made me cry and you don't even care
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
