wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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