when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize