who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
