Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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