Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize