The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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