I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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