god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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