And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize