so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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