At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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