My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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