Can i not drive my cunt home
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
