dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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