but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
