Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
