If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize