I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
